woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
