oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
