last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
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it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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