We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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