that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
