I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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