a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
