So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
