Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
