So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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