i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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