haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
