new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
