Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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