So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
