Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
