I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
