A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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