Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
