I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
