when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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