I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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