I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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