i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
