he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
