so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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