Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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