I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
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Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i am craving dick and cupcakes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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