Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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