Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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