i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's never too late to be topless.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
