thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
