i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
