I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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