just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize