In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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