I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
