dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
