If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
