He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
