have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize