Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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