Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I could have mohawked her pubes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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