So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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