Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
