I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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