he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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