something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
