you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
