I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
