He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
