you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
