I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
