Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
