Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
