all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
