We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then my night got REAL pukey
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
