The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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