I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
