That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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