I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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