Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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