After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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