My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
where are you?
Hypothermia
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
