Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
