That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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