Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
