you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
