Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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