Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
