I bet he comes in French.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
