dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
