Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
